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How Did We Get Here - Rushing Woman Syndrome

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Kayla Lanier - Bold Font   


Hey guys. Today we are covering Rushing Women's Syndrome. This is part two. If you haven't listened to part one, you can do so here. This episode is titled, How Did We Get Here? Rushing Women's Syndrome Part Two.

Wow. We had a really great response from our podcast a couple of weeks ago when we did the first part of this series, and it honestly was kind of overwhelming to hear how many women could relate to rushing women syndrome, and honestly, to hear their heart about why we do it, which is kind of a question that we posed during that episode.

Which is, it's not enough to know that we are rushing around like crazy people, especially as women trying to juggle so many things in our lives between families and careers and relationships, but actually why we do it, that question is worth revisiting again because we kind of have to know. Why we do something before we can ever decide if we need to move into a place of change or if we're happy with the reasons that we're doing something and we're completely content with how it's working out.

Right. Like, what is your story? What got you in this rutt of craziness? Do you feel comfortable where you're at? Are you okay? Do you feel trapped? Blink twice. It's just important to go back to your origin story and just reflect on what brought you here today. Mom and I decided to do a part two on this because it's just so interesting and relevant to our day and time.

So we're just gonna discuss some easy, fun ways to combat the stress, to work through your origin story and just doing things for you, in the moments when you do get to pause and reset.

You have kind of an idea too about maybe even journaling. Just taking a few minutes when you're creating that five minutes for yourself to actually begin with writing down why you have so much going on, the responsibilities that you have and really going back as far as you can in your mind to when maybe you were happier and had less going on, and kind of think about what was going on in your life at that time. Or maybe you're like a lot of us in that you really don't have a time when you can go back to a calm space, and that really means you need to create it now.

Yeah, create it in your present if you can't remember it in your past. And when I think of that question, what is my why behind the reason I rush, I feel kind of guilty because I feel like I don't deserve to understand my why or I don't deserve to take any time off from the craziness and the hecticness of my life and it's important to realize that you do deserve some quiet time and you don't have to rush around in order to do have worth, and just understanding that you are not only owed this time to be able to just be yourself and take a break, but you really do deserve it. There's so many different little things that you can do.

You can do breathing exercises, you can meditate, but. Maybe that's not what you would like to do for your paws, for your break. Maybe you want something to else to do. Maybe you wanna take up a random hobby or go to the spa and not everyone has the money or time for that, but it's important for you to be able to realize that you should just be creative and just take this moment and this opportunity to do something for you.

Whatever pops into your mind. Maybe it was something you used to do when you were little. A favorite movie you watched a thousand times. Maybe it was a special kind of herbal tea, or you just like to paint your nails and watch a really cheesy Netflix show. Just find that

And then it doesn't have to really matter as much about what you're doing. It's more about creating that time to just do nothing if that's really what's needed. And I think our bodies are kind of crying out for space of nothing. Let's just not have a responsibility for a few minutes. And I had one listener make a comment that she felt that it was our fear of failure as women.

That kind of drives us to that place where we're willing to sacrifice everything in order to seem like we have everything together in our lives. And just the trap that that is, and really being able to step back from that and honestly view it from outside instead of our own, even our own pursuits or even the ones that people have placed on us, even unknowingly in our lives.


But I think she tapped on something pretty significant that there is a deep-seated need in all of us to succeed and knowing that we actually can do that and still create space for ourselves and take time to do something for 10 minutes a day. I know for me personally, I take 10 minutes in the morning before I go to work, and I carve out that time.

Sometimes I actually get a full 20 minutes, but not always. Really, I take a short walk and I take some deep breaths and I kind of get myself focused for the day. That's when I spend some time talking to the Lord about all my millions of worries and call it praying and then kind of regroup. And it really does get me out of that mode where you wake up with the rush and it's like, I gotta get this done and that done and, we can literally still get all that done and probably do a better job if we actually give ourselves that time away to do that.

Right. And I think that's really sweet just to be able to get 10 minutes in the morning. You know, it kind of cuts the stress out for you mentally. Especially, I really like to go outside in the morning when I'm having coffee and walk barefoot in the grass for like five minutes and just stare at the road because why not?


And it's like my favorite thing to do, but it helps me not freak out when I'm driving and. With serious road rage, like I've mentioned before in the past, in these podcasts, I have a lot of road rage, but it really helps with the road rage. It cuts that down. But yeah, grounding, walking barefoot in the grass in your front yard for like five minutes is amazing.

It's really, really good for your body too.

Yeah, and it doesn't have to be very long. I think sometimes for me it's been like, well, I don't have 30 minutes. I only have. Five minutes here and there. That's enough. You can use that and carve out five minutes of doing some deep breathing exercises. You can literally do that in less than five minutes where you do some box breathing and you count into the breath count of four, and then you hold for four and then release for four, and you repeat that for 10 times in a series.

And you would be amazed at how that resets your nervous system to be able to take that time to fully breathe. And I know we've touched on that before, but, and it almost feels like when you say that, that it's not big enough to help.


When we're in this. Sympathetic nervous system state, it's probably the most powerful thing that we can do because it signals to the body, you're safe, everything's okay.

And I think that's really, as women, that's ultimately what our bodies need to know the most, is that we're okay. And instead we're signaling all the time. Everything's a, you know, a rush and, and no, we're not, okay. We've got this and everything's an emergency, and we have to be able to stop that for our own sake and say, no, we're safe. We're okay. The world will not fall apart. If we miss something on our list, I promise you it will still be there the next day, most likely.

It's kind of like cleaning your house. Yeah, you can do that and stress over it, but no one's gonna do it for you most likely. So probably it can wait a few minutes and put it off.

Breathing too. I mean, it's crazy. Until I started doing breathing exercises, I legit forgot to breathe. Like I forgot how to breathe.

Yeah. And with clients all the time, I'll notice when we're in our consultation that there's shallow breathing and there's so much anxiety and stress. 'cause they brought it in because they're living in it.


And you can feel that they just need a minute. To stop and breathe and it clears our mind. So what it does physiologically, when we put time into breath work, is scientifically proven to calm down the central nervous system, and it really sends a different message than the one we're getting all day long, which is, There's something wrong. Let's run, and we kind of use up all our cortisol in that moment, and then we need to produce more and more because the emergency doesn't pass, as we've talked about before.


It's interesting to research what elevated cortisol levels do to the thyroid hormones and how often women are having more and more thyroid issues and something that happens with cortisol when we stay with shallow breathing and we're in that sympathetic nervous system state, is that our body signals to the pituitary gland to make more cortisol. And so that actually causes the thyroid to not be able to convert T4, which is thyroid stimulating hormone into T3, which is the active version. And that's why a lot of women are doing everything in the world they can do to lose weight.


And as they're getting closer to menopause or pre-menopause years, and the weight's coming on and they're eating less and they're moving more and it's not working.

Because there is no way to fool your body that you're actually okay and you're not in an emergency where you need to actually store fat and calories in order to make a break for it.


And so it really causes your basal metabolic rate to slow weight down. And so you have people eating very little food, exercising tremendous amounts of time, gaining weight.

Rght, which is also another stressor.

Especially high, yeah, high impact cardio exercises.

Right. Especially when you're in a sympathetic nervous system dominant state. The last thing you want to do is that intense cardio, because all you're doing is furthering the signaling of cortisol. I'm all for exercise, and I think there's a time for cardio and there's a time for HIIT training, but if you're healing and your body is in a fixed state of fight or flight, the last thing you need to do is tell it that you still need to run.

One of the most healing things you can do is actually find a walking regiment or some kind of low impact, not high cardio, which is kind of what we think of as what we need to do just while you're healing. There's things we do in the healing phases of our life that maybe we would do differently when things are healed and we have the ideal.

And I think ideally we do want to be doing some weight training for strength and muscle development as we age. And then we also wanna be able to do some cardio and run around after our kids and grandkids when we want to for a burst of energy. But trying to keep ourselves with high intensity workouts when we are in a fight or flight. It's terrible. I mean, it's probably one of the worst things that we could do.

When you exercise and it's been a good workout, you will have more energy throughout the day. It's going to add to your life. It's not gonna take away from your life, and that's important to remember. You can ask yourself, am I okay right now during this walk or during this exercise or this weightlifting than I'm doing?

And just make sure that you're reminding yourself to breathe during. And it will add to your life a hundred percent. Find some hills if you're gonna take a walk. It's really great. Just some intervals just take the hills slowly and then just walk down the hills and you'll be able to let your heart rate lower.

And that's a great workout. You and I both have heels at our houses and that's like one of the best ways to get some exercise in.

And it is that gradual where you have the intensity and then it goes back down and your heart rate can normalize.

Yeah, and you don't have to run up 'em. You don't have to run them. They will be there the whole time. You can walk them. They're not gonna run away from you.

But don't we feel, even as we're having this conversation, I know when I ran Ultras and I did that for years. And honestly, if someone had told me, then, you know, maybe you need to consider not doing hours of training and doing cardio because it's not good for your adrenal system.

I know what my response would've been. It would've been like, well, you're crazy and I'm gonna do this because it helped me deal with my stress. And I think there is a level of that where cardio can be a tool that helps us unwind. But you have to take a real assessment of where am I at in my life right now?

Like you just said, do I feel energized when I finish working out, or am I dead tired? And if you're not recovering quickly, well one: You wanna get labs done to see what in the world's going on here? Do I have deficiencies? Am I low in ferritin, which is gonna cause me to be breathless and not recover and get all those things checked and then just really say, or am I exhausted?

And there's so much in my life right now that if I add this, is it helping me or hurting me?


I had to do that in my own life where I stopped running and that was. Really hard because I felt guilty and there was something about achieving a medal at a race, even if it was just so that I could say that I did it.

That was addictive in that, that I wanted people to think, well, not only am I doing this, this, and this, but I'm also gonna run races, and that's not the reason to run races. And I did run the last couple ones, not really caring if anybody knew or not. And that's where I knew I was at a different place.

Yeah, that's where the growth began.

Yeah, that would you do what you're doing if nobody else cared because honestly, They don't most of the time. Yeah. And I'm not being rude, but I mean the populace as a whole, I don't keep up with other people's achievements the way that I think they keep up with mine.

That's hard to say, you know, the old song we're so vain, we probably think this song is about us, you know?

Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, you can walk into a gym and literally feel so self-conscious because maybe you're bloated or you just feel dumb while you're doing a certain exercise you saw on Instagram.

But the truth is, everyone is thinking the same thing about themselves. They do not care. And also on that note of strength training. When you do strength training, you don't need to be tearing your joints apart. You need to do something just sustainable. And we're talking like five exercises, just three to four reps, like three to four sets.

You don't have to do anything crazy. You need to just start slow. Don't just go full swing into something insane. You know, some bootcamp just take it easy on yourself and you will find that you will actually be able to hang on to this regimen, this workout that you have much longer. And I don't even know why we started about talking about exercise, but I really do think it plays into this because women that are rushing and running around often have a crazy workout routine.


Or they're thinking about it.

Or if they don't, they're like, I really need to exercise.

They need to be killing themselves.

I really need to get my diet on board. And that adds guilt to us. So the very things that we try to do to help ourselves, because we literally do not have enough hours in the day that then we get to carry that guilt around like a nice little package all the time too.

Right. We all we have to see is an ad and I mean, it's all in the marketing. It's all full of lies. You can literally go anywhere and see people like literally killing themselves on a piece of exercise equipment and you're like, oh crap, I need to do that.

Well, and if it worked, I probably wouldn't have half of the clients that I do because they're like me. We're all in this place where it's becoming harder to stay a certain size or to be a certain weight because hormones are nasty little things. And they are complicated.


And they like to. Throw a loop into our life and go, oh, you thought that wouldn't happen to you? So here you go. Here's a little bit of humility in your life.

And the answer is not in eat less, exercise more. If it was, then most of the people that attempt that would actually be the size that they wanna be. But we don't see that at all. What, what I see every day is women that are exhausted. They are working harder than most anyone you'll ever see online and their workout routine... They get up really early and they do it really late, and we're trying to fit it all in. Please don't misunderstand. I think we have to make time for exercise.

Yeah. And HIIT workout's great, but you need to be in the right physical and mental condition of health in order to throw those things into your life. Besides, even if you are wanna do HIIT workouts, it only should be like once a week. We're not meant to live that way.

Right. When you're in the healing phase and you're trying to calm down as an overstressed nervous system. These are things that you do it a little differently during that time, and maybe you love the gym and you love the community that you have there, continue to go, keep that pattern in your life.

Don't stop.

But maybe take your workouts in a little different direction than the full on cardio stuff or just straight up all the time giving it a thousand percent, where maybe some days you could moderate and listen to your body and say, you know what? Today's that week in my cycle where I'm not feeling it, but I'm here. I showed up and I'm gonna give my exercise time a chance, but I'm gonna let my body guide me in that instead of pushing just because we're expected to.

Right. And speaking of being expected to, if you're an overachiever and you wanna keep up that appearance every time you're in the gym or wherever you're at, like, oh, so and so really works hard and you love those compliments.

I get it. I understand. It's nice when people acknowledge your hard work when you're working out or doing whatever it is you do in your day-to-day life. But yesterday I went to the gym and I went a little bit later and there was this old dude there and he's always there and he always waves at me and he's always like, Hey, how are you doing, Sweetie? You having a good workout today? And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, you work so hard. Well, I haven't been working that hard in the last few weeks. And I guess he noticed and he's like, he's like, you're getting lazy, aren't you? And I told him, I said, no, I'm actually trying to live a little bit healthier lifestyle, and I'm trying to cut my workouts back.

And he's like, oh. He's like, that's really smart. I'm really glad that you chose to do that. I'm like, thanks. But in my mind, I was like, I really don't need your opinion. But in that moment, it was really freeing to be like, I'm not here for this old man's approval or anyone else's approval. It's my workout, my life, and I'm going to do what I want with my time and what feels best.

So I stepped on the treadmill for five minutes and then I got back in my car and I went home to the AC because it was hot. I don't know what's changing in me, but I'm just, just ready for some freedom and nothing against the old man in the gym.

Right, and that we don't have to apologize for letting ourselves honestly have a time to heal.

I'm all about getting in routines. That's part of both of our lives is that we have our exercise weekly.


It's because it does help me a lot with stress reduction, but I have changed how I do that and not doing it to the extreme, which I think is kind of something that we're kind of caught up in this thing where, well, if you're gaining weight or you feel bad, it's like, well, we'll just step up our exercise routine, and sometimes the body's going, I really need you just to give me a break in honor the fact that I need some time to heal you.


And then you're able to go into those workouts recharged and refreshed, and you have a hundred percent to give.

Yeah. And you'll walk out feeling way better than if you just trudge through it, feeling sick as a dog or stressed out or so tired. You can't even lift your legs up like I've been there.

Mom has too. It's not fun. You just shouldn't do it. Don't do it.

Another one of those things. Nobody has a trophy at the end of the day that you accomplished all those things. And so, yes, absolutely get your workouts in, but listen to your body about what they need to be that day. And maybe they do need to be a little different than they have been before.

And I think because we're in this unprecedented time, that's where we're gonna have to find the peace to say, what drives me to do this? And does it really have meaning and value? The way I'm pursuing it, or is there another way that I could come at anything in my life from a healthier perspective and and view it like that instead of honestly through the eyes of other people.


Which is a trap that all of us can be caught in, even if it's not something that we feel like we struggle with daily. I think we're all tempted to have the sin of comparison, which is. Kind of creeping up on us throughout all different sources, you know. To actually take the time and then say, well, what am I gonna do if I have 10 minutes to myself?

It doesn't matter if you don't do anything, you know? And you just sit there.

Yeah, go sit in the closet.

Yeah. Get a bird feeder, like watch the birds. You can become an old person like me and just be like, oh, that little bird.

Or count socks, I do that a lot too.

I haven't counted socks. Please tell me don't.

Well, I'm always losing socks and I love my socks.

Oh, now I totally get, now I get it. We're trying to pair 'em up and then we have mixed mismatches. There are things where may, you know, just get out of that thing of, well, if I take time for myself, what am I gonna do? Maybe you are not gonna do anything.

Yeah. And it's okay. I mean, I listed off a couple things, but I do feel like you don't need to make it the stressful part. You don't need to make it just another piece, I think we talked about this last week, but don't make it part of your list, I guess. Right. Do it when you feel it. Like, feel that you need it.

And I think that's most important. Like, I like to just take a step outside in the grass. That's my big favorite right there. Nothing special.

Which grounding is amazing for our bodies. I, I think that we literally are never on just bare ground anymore with our bare feet.


And some people are, because that's kind of become more of a trending idea.


But it's actually been around a lot longer than we have, which is just that normally we would've made contact with the earth and I heard a lady share one time, it was like last year on something. I was listening to an interview and she was a scientist and she was talking about energy and the heavens actually, you know, as far as like with lightning and storms and just the electromagnetic field that's there. Right. And then she talked about the earth also, of course, having life and current through it. Not in some weird energy way. But just that we know there's life, life springs forth from the earth because of plants and animals and people.

And then that we actually are the conductors between heaven and earth and that we as people...

That is amazing.

Are that grounding where heaven and earth meets. So she wasn't really coming at this from a Christian perspective, but it really struck me as such a beautiful thing because I thought here we have all this beauty of life around us and the stars and the universe and creation, and that we literally are placed here as a conductor.

Meaning that we need, we need to be outside. It's literally in us. So that's what we were created for. And if you think about our life right now, how much of your life and mine, if you're not purposeful, do we live inside a manmade building?

Oh, yes.

And a lot of it, I can't help that with my job. I mean, I'd love to have clients outside, but you know, sometimes I wouldn't when it's a hundred degrees or when it's really cold, and in theory that sounds like a good idea, but my job's inside most of us as women, and I know you do, it's what we're doing. It's inside all the time.

And so we've been taken out of this environment where literally it refueled us. We had a way to be recharged.


And only in the last really couple hundred years has that become so removed from our society. And I think it seems weird now if we think about walking barefoot outside, it's actually probably one of the most regenerating things that we could actually do.

And there's so much science behind literally grounding and how it can...

You can just Google it.

Yeah, it can reset. Even cellular health in your body. It's amazing to, to actually dig into that. So I encourage you guys to look up grounding and honestly look up the science behind it, not necessarily the anecdotal things people like about it, even though there's value in that.


But just like, why would we wanna do that? And for me, if I know why something's important, I'm much more likely to try to find a way. To get that in.


And I think it's really beautiful to think that we really are made for that and we don't take time to do that very often. So getting outside for 10 minutes a day, take your shoes off, walk around your yard, you know, do something where you're literally in touch with what we were made for. And I think that can be very healing.

Right. I agree. So as we wrap up, go ahead and research grounding. It's really awesome. There's so many cool articles. And try and maybe journal a little bit. Take a page and just journal about your why, what got you into the rush. If you can't remember, try to create your own origin story about how you wanna heal through this and how you wanna just pause.

So a good takeaway from this today, if we don't make time for our health, we will have to make time for our sickness. Remember to make time for rest in your world. We are, after all human beings, not human doings. May we be defined by who we are and not what we do.


Rushing Woman Syndrome by Dr. Libby Weaver -


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